I Can Do This

The last few days I’ve been thinking a lot about people.  People and their problems.  Everyone has problems but sometimes a person feels their problems are bigger than they are.  I myself have felt this a few times in my life. 

Tonight I was talking to a friend of mine.  I was telling him how people come into my life, and sometimes it takes them a little while, but usually, if given enough time, people become attached to me.  And I become attached to them.  When they are attached they open up.  I think that people feel safe with me.  Maybe because I’m a scooter child.  Maybe because many of my problems are not hidden.  My struggles are right out in the open.  People can see them with their own eyes.  This makes people feel comfortable around me.  It’s kind of like there is not as much mystery with me and little room for people to feel intimidation.  My body is shaped different.  I use a wheelchair.  I have a machine that assists my lungs.  Many of my weaknesses are exposed for all to see.  This allows people to open up to me more than they might with others.  They tell me their problems.  They share their secrets.  They let me see their invisible wounds.

I am happy that people feel safe with me.  I feel that I’m able to see things that lots of people don’t.  I see so much beauty in people, beauty that they feel they need to hide.  Too risky.  I see it because people feel like they can be real with me.  And sometimes I see the sadness and hurt they hide as well.  Although I am happy people can share their realness with me, sometimes it is heavy.  Life can get heavy and that’s when people feel their problems are bigger then they can handle.  I wish so much that I could fix or remove the problems.  If only I could fix them like a doctor, using a scalpel, remove the bad appendix, sew up the cut with sutures and let the body do what it does and heal itself.  If only I could.  My friend is wise and tells me that it’s not my job to fix all the broken people. I know that I can’t fix it all.  I know that most the time, it’s up to an individual to fix themselves.  But everyone needs support.  Every person needs to feel like they are cared about and loved.  During this messy experience known as life, I think we frequently forget the love that God has for us.  We forget how to feel it.  This is so unfortunate because even though we go through dark times and can’t feel it, this love is not hard to find.  If we stop for just a moment and hold very still, if we quiet our minds and open our eyes, our hearts will remember how to feel it and we will see evidence of His love all around us. 

I know I can’t fix everything.  Sometimes we get broken and only God can repair the break.  Like a doctor for the soul, God can heal our spirits.  I’m living an unconventional life and I’m not following the traditional pattern of wife and mother.  But as I grown older I am identifying more clearly the role and responsibilities that are mine for this life.  I’m striving to know the purpose and mission God would have me fulfill during this time.  It’s said that God uses us to do His work, to answer prayers, to be His hands.  Sometimes I think should have done more schooling, so I could learn how to better help people with their problems.  But although I’m not a professional and I really don’t know much, I have a willing heart.  I feel that if God keeps sending people into my life, then He’ll help me know how to help them.  I want to be some of the evidence of God’s love to other people.  I think this is part of my purpose.  I think I can do this.