Friday, May 2, 2014

BYU Women's Conference


This weekend I had the opportunity to speak at BYU Women’s Conference.  This was my first year attending and it was a great experience.  It was incredible to be surrounded by so many women who all share the common pursuit of knowledge and spiritual light.  I’m so grateful to my mom Lara and sister Kristie, two great women who came with me to the conference and who kept me calm (or at least tried), kept my makeup looking good and supported me throughout the experience, including the months leading up to the event.

It was humbling to share my story to so many women that had come to listen, hoping to feel the Spirit and be uplifted.  I am grateful to have had the experience. 

The following are notes from my talk.

I’m so happy to be here with you and excited that I have a few minutes to share some thoughts and ideas with you.  People tend to ask me a lot of questions about my life.  There are many things to be curious about, maybe some of you see me here now and have questions in your mind.  I’d like to first  answer the most important question you probably have.  Where do I find such little clothes??  Sometimes I go to kids clothing stores but that can be challenge sorting through Dora the Explorer and Hello Kitty t-shirts hoping to find something good.  Sometimes I shop in the grown up people stores. I buy it, take it come, cut it up and sew it back together in my size.  Shopping for clothes is an adventure for sure.  I’m thankful I know how to use a sewing machine.

I want to share some of my favorite or most frequent questions people ask me.


1.       How old am I?  I’m 31 and must confess I’m missing my 20’s.  There just wasn’t as much pressure to do something productive with your life and my body didn’t have the desire to go to bed at 9:00. 

2.       Another common question I get is “What’s wrong with you?”  When people ask me that I kinda laugh to myself and have to stop myself from saying “well nothing, why, what’s wrong with you?”.  But people want to know about my disability and I always appreciate people taking the time to ask about me and my circumstance.  I explain that I was born with an uncommon disorder that caused my muscles and joints to contract and has kept my body tiny.  As a young child I underwent numerous surgeries to attempt to correct some of the limitation in my joints.  Lots of surgeries and hundreds of hours of physical therapy. 
 


 When I was a teenager I developed respiratory problems that progressed to the point that I need this machine called a ventilator to help me exchange my oxygen and carbon dioxide (his name is Vincent) he goes almost everywhere with me.  My appearance is misleading.  I use a wheelchair but I can actually stand up, walk, and dance around from time to time.  I can also spend some time being unplugged from Vincent.  I can walk but not for very far.  I’m not very good at staying in one place, so my wheelchair gets me around and carries all my luggage like Vincent, a tank of oxygen, my purse, a laptop… Ya know, all the important stuff.
3.       Another question I get is Do I drive?  Yes, I do.  This is my car.  The back has been modified by my genius dad to accommodate my wheelchair.  I love driving.  I’ve only ever got one speeding ticket but we won’t talk about how many times I’ve been pulled over for speeding.


4.       Do I date?  Yes, this is the guy I’m dating now.  Handsome right?  Yeah I kinda like him.


5.       Do I have hobbies?  Yes, my dad and I have recently taken up beekeeping which should prove quite the adventure.  And I also really love to paint.
 
 

6.       Do I need help?  People always ask if I need help and I love it when people ask this.  I usually decline but I love that they show kindness and offer.   I’m sure I frequently look like I need help.  Whether I’m loading my wheelchair into my car or scaling the shelves at the grocery store I can imagine I look like I need a lot of help but the fact is I have developed systems for doing everything I need to do. I’m very independent.  My parents say I’m stubborn but I like to say I’m independent and determined.  I live on my on in an apartment downtown Ogden, right near the temple.  I work full time at a non-profit serving others with disabilities and teaching them how to live independently.  Like everyone, there are times when I do need help but if I can do it on my own that’s the way I like it to be.
 
7.       Do I have limits? No. I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to let my physical challenges define the course of my life.
Each person has difficulties. Life brings us unexpected events, things we would never choose to experience but Heavenly Father understands each of our spirits, He knows what will bring us close to Jesus Christ. Many of you are going through difficult things right now.  If you haven’t already, at some point each of us will experience challenges that will push us to our limits and test out discipleship. We know that part of this life is to face challenge.  But I’ve often wondered why do we need to experience such difficulties in this life?  We can feel the love of Christ in many ways, but to truly learn to know Him and build an unshakable relationship with Christ we need to experience hard things.  When we struggle, we remember Him more. We work harder to stay close to Him.
Helaman 12:3 tells us that except the Lord doth chasten his people with many afflictions, they will not remember him.  When we experience trials and our brought to our lowest point, when we are made humble, only then do we fully open our souls to God and bind our hearts to Christ and truly learn to be close to Him.
When we experience hard things, we often feel that we are alone in our trials.  Have you ever felt that no one truly understands what you are going through? Even though others might know what we going through, sometimes we still feel alone in our individual struggles. I know I have felt this before. 
We all have a story.  And Christ knows every detail of our stories with a perfect knowledge and perfect understanding.  In the hymn Lord I would Follow Thee we are reminded of truths in the words “who, who can understand?  He only one”.  Each of us have “sorrows that the eye can’t see” But never forget that Jesus Christ sees those sorrows. And because Christ sees our sorrows and experienced them Himself, through Him we can be given additional strength, “strength beyond our own”. 
When I was a senior in high school I became very sick.  My respiratory problems had escalated and my health was declining fast. My lungs were not making the exchange they should and my body was retaining carbon dioxide. My doctors determined that I needed the help of a ventilator to assist my lungs and the best way to wear a ventilator is to have tracheostomy.  This was going to be new. This was a difficult time for me.  My parents and I put our trust in the doctors and the procedure was done.  I remember laying in my room at Primary Children’s Hospital.  I had this new machine beside me and tubes seemed to be everywhere.  My parents were out and I was alone in my room.  I felt very alone.  I had no idea what was in store for me, no idea what my life would be like from then on out or what my ability would be.  I took a moment and had a conversation with my Heavenly Father.  I let Him know that I felt alone, afraid and completely overwhelmed.  Within moments I was rushed with an absolute surety that I was not alone in this experience, that Christ was aware of where I was, and exactly what I was feeling.  He knew every detail.  In that moment I knew without question and I was given peace and strength.  I still didn’t know what was in store or what my life would be like but I didn’t need to know that.  I knew that Christ would help me carry whatever I couldn’t. I knew I was given strength beyond my own. 
This was a more dramatic experience but throughout the years I have felt this same strength come to me in quite moments of my life when I have faced hurt, feelings of defeat, or disappointment.
“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” This is the promise that the Savior gives to us if we take our burdens to Him and open our hearts to him.
Elder Bednar gave an amazing talk in this most recent conference regarding the burdens we carry and the strength that come through Jesus Christ. He tells us to “consider the Lord’s unique invitation to ‘take my yoke upon you’.  The Savior is beckoning us to rely upon and pull together with Him, even though our best efforts are not equal to and cannot be compared with His.  As we trust in and pull our load with Him during the journey of mortality, truly His yoke is easy and His burden is light”.  In his talk Elder Bednar reminds us that not only did the Savior suffer for our sins but also for our physical pains and the anguish of our hearts and minds.  There is nothing we will experience in this life that Jesus Christ did not experience.  He knows and has perfect understanding.
I have experienced countless times when the Heavenly Father has reminded me of His awareness of me and the difficulties I am asked to face.  I have been reminded of and experienced firsthand the peace that comes when I open my soul to the Savoir and have felt Him help me carry the heavy things that I cannot lift alone.  The Lord promises us His help if we seek it.  He won’t always take the challenge away, He will let us grow, but he will give us the strength we need.  He can give us the strength to not only endure the trial, but if we allow it, the strength to endure with happiness.
Challenges are going to come to each one of us.  It’s why we are here.  But are we allowing our challenges to shape us into what God would have us become?  Heavenly Father gives us difficult experiences because He knows what we need.   Are we experiencing joy in this life?  I think sometimes as women we resist having joy.  Sometimes we are overwhelmed by the challenges in our lives and maybe we don’t think we deserve to have joy because life is hard, we are dealing with our trials and that means no fun allowed. Don’t be bogged down by your trials.  Joy can be found.  Joy is knowing you have a Savior: “men are that they might have joy”.  I’ve found that Joy can be a source of power.
Happiness is a choice that each of us can make.  We can experience happiness and peace, even if our trials are not removed from us.  I know this is absolutely true.  My trials will not be removed until this life is over, but my life is full of amazing opportunities and I experience incredible joy.
One of my sources of joy is painting.  When I paint I feel the love God has for me.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Leap Fearlessly. This has slowly become a theme for my life.  Or rather a challenge to myself.  A reminder that I can’t put limits on myself.  God doesn’t put limits on me.  He gives me all that I need to live with peace and happiness.  He blesses me with faith and ability.  I have been blessed with a knowledge of a Savior who knows me and will help me bear every challenge. I bear you my testimony that Christ knows our story, that He is waiting for us to open our hearts to Him and lay our burdens at His feet.  He will give us power and ability.  He will give us “strength beyond our own”.  He will help us carry what we cannot.  I know that through our own unique set of challenges we can gain an unshakable faith and a relationship with Jesus Christ.  Through this we can overcome all, experience joy and embrace the plan that God has for each of us.
In closing I want to share a scripture that I have come to love:
Isaiah 43:1-3
Fear not; for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name: thou art mine.
When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Savior.
God will endow us with power.  He will give us a strength that is far beyond our mortal ability and grant peace to our hearts no matter how long and difficult the trial, if we will but submit our hearts to Him and commit to follow our Savior.  This I know is true.  I say these things in Jesus Christ’s name.  Amen.